I’m not surprised to be disappointed, not anymore. Not after the past few years. How could I? The world sometimes seems as though it’s crumbling but I wonder if it’s always been this terrible. Not long ago it could take months to send and receive information. We just now have the gift of connectivity and we’re able to share correspondence and information in seconds.
This is both good and bad. For one, the internet and the ability to connect with others from across the globe who felt similar, or the same. I learned a lot on the message boards that turned into platforms like tumblr and twitter. I learned substantially more on the internet than I ever did in school, and still, quite a bit of my learning comes from things I encounter online. But in the same ways that I connected, learned, grew and became, so did many others. And a lot of those people, in my opinion, learned bad stuff. Thats the thing. It’s hard to know where to learn good stuff. True stuff. Honest stuff.
I grew up in the south but I spent one year of high school in the northeast. I had learned about the civil war my freshman year, but because the curriculum was different I learned about it again but from northern textbooks. I wasn’t told the truth my freshman year. My sophomore year I learned a different perspective and still I didn’t ever learn the whole story, not in public school anyway.
I am disappointed to say that I believe people have always been terrible. Terrible to themselves and terrible to each other. I don’t know why and studies have been done to come to a sincere conclusion but ultimately cannot be determined.
I have a few ideas, though. The things that frustrate me considerably are simple: colonialism, white supremacy, capitalism, lack of respect, lack of integrity, false information, and patriarchal standards (for starters). Some folks would disagree with my feelings. These people fucking love capitalism. Course they do! They’re the ones benefitting from it- regardless of whether they say they’re “socially liberal and fiscally conservative.” There is no such thing. To be something you’ve gotta back it up. Words are slight in comparison to money. Money is what makes power.
People have always done terrible things for power. Things like money, religion, ego. Isn’t it funny how those same group has used those same things to control the lives of everyone else since forever?
This takes me back to my original point. People have always been shitty, but people have always been good too. I find myself on occasion drifting into despair. Sometimes it really does feel hopeless. It’s important to take some time to rest when necessary but not stop fighting.
There are some things that I feel in my bones to be true. The pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness to ALL people. I struggle to understand why so many people want less for everybody else if it means they get a little bit more. If I have a 6 pack, it’ll be way more fun to share it with 6 others than it would be to drink it all myself. Why does it matter if other people have just a little bit more opportunity when the same people who would take that away are the ones with more than a small person like me can even comprehend? People who hold onto millions of anything would be considered a hoarder, but not when it comes to money. All I’m saying is that if you’re peering into my cup it had better be to make sure I have enough, not to make sure you have more than me otherwise I’m not interested in having you around.
I’ve been struggling lately with the weight of teaching folks things that I feel like they should already be taught. I don’t know whether my time and energy is being put to good use by trying to educate the ignorant on things they could google themselves, but while I do love the internet, I don’t always trust that those seeking information will be taken to the right places. I worry that if I’m not there to teach them, how could I trust they are gathering the right information to form opinions? But then I wonder why this is my responsibility at all.
And then I remember that it is because it cannot be. I can be useful to humanity so yes, for all the terrible people that exist who do terrible things, I’m not that quick to turn away. I want to have tough conversations and I want to push buttons. I want to engage in conversations with those on the other side. I want to understand how and why a person can think such different thoughts. I want to confront a liar with his lie and not back down until an answer is given. I want to force integrity and information from those who would rather spew lies and hate. I will bring science and information as my ammunition. History is on my side to those with open eyes. My job is to help people open. I will always engage and I don’t care who it makes uncomfortable.
I am uncomfortable all the time. This world we’re living in is uncomfortable for me and the only way to do anything is to get comfortable being uncomfortable and continuing to bring ya’ll into the conversation.
Thanks for continuing the conversations.