Wow sometimes im reminded how many lies I was taught to believe as a young femme presenting person. All of them are harmful but some are also just real silly.
For example: getting older is awful (THE BIG LIE!!!!) the older i get, the better I get. Both physically and mentally.
And: (lol) to stay away from certain colors because they wouldn’t “look good” on me due to whatever social standard is trending. But like.. I LOVE COLORS. NEONS. PASTELS: BRIGHT AND SHINY THINGS.
But they told me “no, the male gaze doesn’t find that attractive.”
I’m 35.5 and ??? What? How did that happen? When did that happen? Was i there the whole time?
I thought (because im “old”) that I missed out on dressing in ways that FELT good to me because i was too busy trying to be appropriate, acceptable, and small. I had forgotten we can (and should) continue to play with and explore our identities. It may sound like a small thing to many but as i continue the work of reevaluating and repairing my relationship with myself and my body, the more comfortable I am presenting in ways that are comfortable to me. (Another example: Bras are not comfortable for me, too many sensory issues.)
As an autist, I am learning that the comfort levels of others are secondary to my needs. For clarity’s sake: that is not to say that others dont matter and we shouldn’t adjust because they do and we should, but not at the detriment of self.
My healing is for me, but it is also for all of you. And you’re welcome ( for the nips )
