I want to talk about my experience living with #herpes . My hope is that opening up about my sexual health practices will contribute to the normalization of these conversations & encouragement for us all to think about our own practices
My stuff: I have sex with people of all genders. I am not on any BC (I have not found one that works well for me) I use barriers. Diagnosed positive for HSV-2 in 2015
To start: STIs are not shameful. Most STIs are like catching a cold. Some are viruses that do not go away but ALL are manageable. There is a lot of misinformation out there in regards to our sexual health. Being open & honest about our sexual histories can reduce the harm that comes with having an STI diagnosis
Many people think that you cant pass STIs unless you are showing symptoms. Not true. People can be asymptomatic carriers (familiar?) People who have HSV-2 go through a process called “shedding”- no symptoms but shedding makes it transferable. We dont know when it happens. 90% of people who have HSV-2 do not know they have it
The biggest effect my diagnosis has had on my life is the judgement I deal with when dating. Some people think I’m dirty, disgusting, a whore, slut, what have you. I’ve been called it all. As part of my disclosure, I try to offer space to do their own research & encourage all to never take someones word on what is or isnt safe.
Pro Tip: Consent is sexy, having these conversations early can prevent any naked awkwardness-in regards to STIs anyway
A helpful script:
“My last test was (Month). My results came back (Negative or Positive) I’ve had (protected or unprotected) sex with (number) people since I was last tested, I (did or did not) have this conversation with them.”
It is important to remember that in these conversations we are sharing the information needed to have consensual intimacy. To not disclose/hide information that could influence a persons willingness to engage is not consensual.
&Sometimes we’ll do ALL of this & still contract an STI. that’s okay. If you’re practicing these conversations you’re reducing risk & promoting an ethical way of engaging in intimate relationships. The most important thing is our current sexual partners have the most up to date information they need to consent. That we practice compassion with ourselves & others as we grow towards supportive, informative sexual health practices
One of my favorite Instagram resources is @sexelducation
For STI testing: @plannedparenthood
in ATL: @aid_atlanta @uhwclinic @ahrcgram_official
Los Angeles: @lalgbtcenter @blackaids
NYC: @apichachc
(note: I have not used any of these myself except for plannedparenthood so please drop your recommendations!)